11 Reasons Why Clients Do Not Share with Their Therapists #9

As therapists, we often assume that our clients come to us ready to open up and share their inner world. Yet, the reality is that many clients hesitate to reveal critical thoughts, emotions, and experiences. Initially, I identified seven primary reasons why this occurs. However, over time and with continued work, that number has grown to 11. Please feel free to help me expand my list, as I believe it is important to explore this further.

1. Fear of Not Being Understood or Believed

Many clients carry the weight of past invalidation. Perhaps they sought help or tried to express their pain before, only to be dismissed or misunderstood. This leaves them fearful of being hurt again if they are not believed. Trust is fragile, especially when the pain is invisible.

C: “If you break a leg, everyone sees it, but when you have something invisible, no one believes you, and you can’t say this to anyone.”

Clients worry that sharing unseen struggles — whether they are psychological or emotional — will be met with disbelief. The fear of being misunderstood often outweighs the desire to be vulnerable.

2. Fear of Consequences

Sometimes clients hold back because they are terrified of what might happen if they verbalise certain thoughts or feelings. They may fear judgment, rejection, or consequences that they can’t predict or control. The anxiety about how they will be perceived can be overwhelming.

C: “I think, what will people think of me? I fear being sick in front of someone — what could they think of me? Is it paranoia?”

C: “I could go crazy.”

C: “I could be sectioned.”

These fears often reside in the mind, growing in silence. The thought of sharing them feels dangerous, as if speaking them aloud would give them more power.

3. The Therapist is Perceived as Incapable of Handling the Emotion or Experience

Clients sometimes believe that their issues are too intense or overwhelming for their therapist to handle. Even if the therapist has never expressed doubt or discomfort, the client may have internalised this idea that their problems are ‘too much’ for anyone.

C: “My problem was so big that even the therapist couldn’t deal with it.”

This perception can cause clients to hold back, protecting not only themselves but also their therapist from what they believe is unbearable.

4. The Thoughts or Feelings Are Unavailable

In some cases, clients genuinely struggle to access their emotions or memories. It’s not that they are intentionally withholding, but rather that their mind has locked away certain experiences, often as a protective mechanism.

C: “Do you remember when you asked me if I could remember any painful emotional experience and I said no? Well, actually, I don’t know how it’s possible, but I couldn’t remember something very important.”

In these moments, the client may only become aware of the withheld memory later, or they may remain unaware for long periods. The unconscious mind shields them from what they are not yet ready to face, making it difficult for them to share even when they wish to.

5. Shame or Guilt

Clients may feel deeply ashamed or guilty about their thoughts, emotions, or behaviours, which can make it difficult for them to bring these issues into the open. Shame is a powerful emotion that can lead individuals to hide parts of themselves, even in the safety of a therapeutic environment.

C: “I just can’t bring myself to say it. I’m too embarrassed, it’s like…”

6. Fear of Disrupting the Relationship

Clients may worry about the impact of sharing difficult or upsetting material on their relationship with the therapist. They may fear that revealing certain thoughts or feelings could change how the therapist views them, lead to disappointment, or damage the therapeutic bond.

Client: “I’m scared that if I say this, it’ll change the way you see me…”

7. Desire to Maintain Control

Some clients may have difficulty sharing because they are used to being in control of their emotions and experiences. Opening up to someone else, especially in a vulnerable way, might feel like losing control. This can be particularly true for individuals who have learned to rely on themselves and may not trust others easily.

C: “I’ve always dealt with things on my own. Letting someone else in feels like giving up control over my own life.”

8. Feeling Overwhelmed by Emotion

Clients may sometimes feel so overwhelmed by their emotions that they struggle to put them into words. The intensity of the feelings might be too much to confront directly, leading to avoidance or shutdowns in sessions.

C: “It’s too much. I don’t even know where to start because everything feels so heavy. I don’t want to break down.”

9. Fear of Being a Burden Some clients may hesitate to share because they fear that doing so will burden their therapist. They may believe that their problems are too big or that discussing them in detail will overwhelm or exhaust the therapist.

C: “I feel like I’d be dumping too much on you.”

10. The Therapist’s Approach Doesn’t Feel Safe Therapists play a key role in establishing a safe environment, and sometimes clients may withhold because they don’t feel the therapist’s approach is creating a sense of safety or trust. This can be due to the therapist’s body language, communication style, or even the structure of the sessions, which can make the client feel uncomfortable.

C: “I saw a therapist, and he told me that he couldn’t deal with this. He said, ‘I don’t want to talk about that; I can only help with anxiety.”

11. Lack of Insight or Awareness Some clients might not be consciously aware of what they need to share. They may struggle with identifying their feelings, thoughts, or the deeper issues underlying their distress. This lack of self-awareness can make it difficult to articulate their inner experiences.

C: “I don’t know what’s wrong, I just know I feel off. I can’t explain it.”

Looking at these 11 reasons, what’s the common denominator?

Vulnerability.

Clients often hesitate to open up because vulnerability feels dangerous. It threatens the fragile sense of safety they’ve constructed, especially when their trust, sense of self, or emotional security has been wounded in the past. It’s no wonder that clients resist — vulnerability exposes the tender places where they fear being hurt again

Trust takes time, and even in therapy, boundaries are important… but so is the courage to cross them when it matters. In the end, healing happens when vulnerability is met not with judgment or dismissal, but with empathy and understanding.