It must have been something extraordinary to stand in the audience of a James concert, feeling that raw, collective energy. Larry Gott, the guitarist and songwriter, shared with The Guardian that the song Sit Down emerged almost by accident, through improvisation. “I remember everyone laughing after the first playthrough. It felt so stupid,” he recalled, “but we knew it could be special.” That spontaneity, that touch of magic, must have carried over to every performance, creating an experience that felt simultaneously intimate and universal.

Watching videos of their concerts, you can sense this unique connection — the entire crowd erupting as the chorus begins, as if those simple words, “Oh sit down,” struck a primal chord. People jump, they lose themselves, recognising their own stories in the lines. “I sing myself to sleep, a song from the darkest hour,” Booth sings, voicing the secrets, fears, and doubts we often keep hidden. But somehow, in that shared moment, the song’s darkness doesn’t isolate; it unites.

Suddenly, the words “Now I’ve swung back down again” resonate not as a lonely confession but as a collective acknowledgement of life’s inevitable ups and downs. There’s a power in those lines — “In love, in fear, in hate, in tears.” It’s as if Booth is telling us: you’re not alone in this. Your darkness, your emotions, these aren’t burdens you have to bear in isolation. The song becomes a space where everyone is invited to simply sit with it all.

There’s something almost rebellious in this invitation to stop, to rest, to sit with whatever we’re feeling. I am sure that clients who come to therapy with the idea of being “fixed” may be puzzled or confused by the lyrics or by my words, but many must have found a “therapy song” — a method for when things get bad, something that brings them back.

Sitting with your feelings is a practice of mindfulness and emotional intelligence that allows us to be fully present with our internal experiences. It’s a skill that promotes personal growth, self-awareness, and emotional resilience. Here are 15 ways to master this practice and transform the way you engage with your emotions, along with additional techniques to deepen the experience.

1. Get Curious About Your Feelings

The first step to sitting with your emotions is curiosity. Instead of reacting or pushing the feeling away, ask yourself why it’s come up. What triggered this emotion? Is there an underlying need or unresolved issue that’s surfacing? Emotions are signals — messages from your mind and body that something needs attention. Curiosity helps you understand the root of the emotion and provides insight into what you may need to address.

Curiosity also removes judgement. It allows you to view your feelings as neutral information rather than something negative to be avoided. By approaching your emotions with curiosity, you shift from avoidance to exploration, which fosters emotional growth.

2. Notice Your Feelings Without Judgement

One of the biggest obstacles to emotional growth is judgement. We often label emotions as ‘bad’ or ‘good,’ but emotions are simply part of the human experience. Learning to notice your feelings without attaching labels to them helps you become more mindful and less reactive.

When you stop judging your emotions, you create space to feel them fully. Instead of criticising yourself for feeling angry or anxious, you allow the emotion to be present without adding a layer of guilt or shame. This non-judgemental awareness is key to sitting with your emotions in a healthy way.

3. Practise Compassionate Self-Talk

When difficult emotions arise, our inner critic often takes over, making us feel worse. It’s essential to counter this voice with compassionate self-talk. Instead of harshly telling yourself to “get over it” or “stop feeling this way,” practise speaking to yourself kindly.

Ask yourself, “How would I talk to a friend who’s going through this?” The goal is to offer yourself the same level of kindness and understanding you would give to others. Compassionate self-talk soothes emotional distress and helps you develop a more nurturing relationship with yourself.

4. Notice Your Breathing

When emotions run high, your body reacts. You might notice a tight chest, shallow breaths, or a racing heart. Paying attention to your breathing is a powerful way to anchor yourself in the present moment. Slow, deep breaths can help calm your nervous system and bring clarity to your mind.

Mindful breathing not only helps manage the intensity of emotions but also makes it easier to stay present. When you focus on your breath, you create a pause — a moment to ground yourself and observe your feelings without getting swept away by them.

5. Ask Yourself: What Is This Feeling Telling You?

Every emotion holds a message. Whether it’s frustration, joy, or sadness, your emotions are trying to communicate something. Take a moment to reflect: What is this feeling telling me? What do I need to pay attention to in my life?

For example, if you’re feeling anxious, it could be a sign that something in your environment needs to change. If you’re feeling sad, maybe there’s a loss you haven’t fully processed. Asking these questions helps you uncover the deeper meaning behind your emotions and encourages you to address the root cause rather than just the symptoms.

6. Stay Mindful and Present

Mindfulness is the practice of staying grounded in the present moment, without letting your mind drift into the past or future. When sitting with your emotions, it’s crucial to stay mindful. This means observing your feelings as they are right now, without letting them carry you away.

Mindfulness doesn’t mean ignoring your emotions. Instead, it allows you to experience them fully without becoming overwhelmed. It’s about letting the emotion pass through you, recognising that emotions are temporary and that you don’t have to be defined by them.

7. Notice Where You Feel the Emotion in Your Body

Emotions aren’t just mental experiences; they show up physically too. You might feel tension in your shoulders, a knot in your stomach, or a tightness in your chest. By noticing where in your body the emotion is manifesting, you can become more aware of how emotions affect you physically.

This body awareness helps you stay present and connected to your feelings. It also provides an opportunity to release physical tension through relaxation techniques like deep breathing or stretching, further helping you process the emotion.

8. Look Beneath the Loudest Feelings

Sometimes the emotions we feel on the surface aren’t the full story. For instance, anger may be masking sadness, or anxiety could be hiding fear. Sitting with your feelings means digging a little deeper — asking yourself what else you might be feeling beneath the loudest emotion.

By doing this, you gain greater insight into the complexities of your emotional world. It’s often the quieter emotions, the ones we don’t immediately notice, that hold the key to our growth and healing.

9. Practise Compassionate Self-Talk Again

Yes, it’s worth repeating. As you sit with your emotions, continue to offer yourself compassion. Emotional processing takes time, and it’s essential to be patient and kind to yourself throughout the process. If the feelings persist, don’t rush to “fix” them — sometimes the best way to heal is simply to be present and let yourself feel what you need to feel.

10. Creative Expression

Sometimes, sitting with feelings can involve active processing through creativity. Journaling, painting, writing, or even playing music can help you express emotions that are difficult to articulate. Creative outlets offer a healthy release and often lead to unexpected insights about what you’re feeling.

11. Physical Movement

While sitting still with emotions is important, so is mindful movement. Gentle activities like yoga, walking, or stretching can help you stay connected to your emotions while also grounding you in your body. This kind of physical engagement encourages emotional flow without overwhelming you.

12. Self-Soothing Techniques

Simple self-soothing activities, like holding a warm cup of tea, using essential oils, or wearing a soft blanket, can help comfort you while you process your emotions. Engaging your senses in a calming way provides relief and helps create a safe space for emotional reflection.

13. Grounding Exercises

When emotions feel intense, grounding techniques can bring you back to the present moment. Focusing on your five senses or naming things you can see, hear, or touch around you helps centre you, making it easier to manage and process your feelings.

14. Talking to Someone Trusted

While sitting with your feelings often requires internal work, sharing your emotions with someone you trust can also be a way to process them. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or therapist, having a conversation about what you’re feeling can offer perspective and support.

15. Listen to James and Remember You’re Not Alone

Listening to Sit Down is a reminder that you are part of a Sangha, as Thich Nhat Hanh would say — a community that holds both joy and suffering together. The words, “In love, in fear, in hate, in tears,” wash over you, calling forth a deep truth: your emotions are not yours alone. These emotions become a gathering place, a refuge where you recognise that the feelings you hold are shared by many. Here, in this moment, you can rest in the comfort of knowing you belong to something larger — a human family, each of us walking this journey together.

Final Thoughts:

Sitting with your feelings isn’t easy. It requires patience, mindfulness, and a willingness to face discomfort. But the rewards are immense. In the end, emotional intelligence begins with this simple but profound skill: learning to sit with what you feel.

Anything else you think we could add to the list to help sit with our feelings?