Photo by Neil Thomas on Unsplash

I recently engaged in an insightful discussion with Professor Giancarlo Dimaggio, a psychiatrist and psychotherapist, and Dr Natanael Lamispramis, a clinical psychologist. We delved into how invalidation, trauma, and emotional growth shape our lives. One key takeaway was the importance of understanding that not all painful experiences are traumatic, but the impact they leave can still be profound.

Invalidation: Painful, But Not Always Traumatic

Prof. Dimaggio highlighted how invalidation — a painful but common experience — can sometimes amplify emotional trauma, particularly when it comes from authority figures or loved ones. Dismissive responses like “You’re overreacting” can send the message that our feelings don’t matter. But what truly defines whether these moments become traumatic is the context and the relationship in which they occur.

Chronic Invalidation: Small Wounds, Deep Scars

I reflected on how repeated invalidation, especially in childhood, can lead to lasting emotional disconnection. Hearing “You’re too sensitive” over time can condition us to suppress our emotions, making it harder to form healthy relationships later in life. This begs the question: Can subtle, repeated invalidation cause wounds as deep as trauma? In many cases, it leaves clients believing their emotions are “wrong,” blocking them from authentic connection and healing.

Rethinking Trauma: It’s Not Just Catastrophic Events

Trauma isn’t always tied to extreme events. As I explained, trauma can also stem from subtle experiences that disconnect us from our authentic selves. A child repeatedly told “You’ll never be good enough” may not endure a dramatic trauma, but the accumulation of such messages can distort their self-worth. The disconnection caused is what defines trauma — not just the intensity of an event, but its impact on one’s sense of self.

Adverse Experiences vs. Trauma: Where’s the Line?

Prof. Dimaggio emphasised that adverse experiences don’t always lead to trauma. Instead, they can lay the groundwork for maladaptive patterns — like defensiveness or fear of criticism — without necessarily fracturing the self. The real question is: How do we differentiate between what shapes us and what truly breaks us?

The Transformative Power of Validation

Dr Lamispramis added a key point about validation, explaining how it fosters emotional connection and growth. Referencing Martin Buber, he reminded us that every person craves to be seen for who they are. A simple, empathetic response like “I understand” can be transformative. Without validation, we lose part of our humanity — the need to be seen and understood.

Knowing What to Validate and What to Challenge

However, as Dr Lamispramis wisely noted, we must discern what to validate and what not to. Validating someone’s feelings doesn’t mean endorsing harmful reactions. For example, we can acknowledge frustration without justifying anger. The key is to validate core emotions while challenging harmful responses, helping others grow without reinforcing unhelpful behaviours.